yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
