Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
