I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
