I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize