I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
