tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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