My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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