its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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