eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
