i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Panties = found
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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