If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
