Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
