No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
