SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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