My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
