plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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