Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
