All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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