So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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