from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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