You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
