I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
