I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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