Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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