We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
