Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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