mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
