I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
