If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
