I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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