Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
whose parrot is this?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
