I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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