is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
