ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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