Don't you send me to vm
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
