Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
