Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
