You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
