yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize