He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize