know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
