Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
