Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
