If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
