kristin has been a bad kristin
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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