she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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