I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
