I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All the doctor said was why
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize