she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Gay?
German.
Pity.
how drunk are you?
Several
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
