So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's shark week go big or go home
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
