Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
