we have officially lost it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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