On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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