Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
