I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
