My liver just broke up with me...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
