TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
