I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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