You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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