i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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