Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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