we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Never underestimate the power of titties
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
