my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
