So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
