two words: eviction party
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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