dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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