Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
